I often feel that I'm not doing what I should be. I'm not sure what exactly would it be but not this that's for sure. I work on a technical area in industry and I'm getting sick and tired of it. It offers nothing for me anymore. Did it ever? Now that's the real question. Everything in my work starts from a negation and it eats me up.

I think that the best jobs are those which make a difference in other peoples lives. Such as a doctor or a priest perhaps. Or maybe a fireman or a teacher or something. I've always enjoyed being useful and helping people if I can. In my current job there's no true meaning. No importance. I could be replaced by any moron with a formal education. It makes me sad and melancholic. What a waste of life.

That reminds me of one scene in the movie Papillon; in his nightmare a man walks on the beach and comes upon a judge and the jury. He claims his innocence for a murder of a pimp but the judge says to him that is not what he's accused of. The judge says that he's accused of the most terrible crime a human being can commit; a wasted life. The scene ends with the man repeating "guilty, guilty, guilty...". That scene can be found in YouTube: [link]

Not so long ago I was in a christening party and I kind of imagined how it would be like to be a priest. I'm not religious, never have been but still. Perhaps realizing the true meaning or the essence of that work was just the kind of slap in the face that I was waiting for. To do good deeds, to help, to give something. If not more, just giving hope since life without hope is a living hell.

I don't know. I just know that I'm not happy at the moment. Far from it.

That's all folks. Be true to your dreams.